Monday, March 8, 2010

Teaching Abstinence

My 11yr. old daughter came home from school a few days ago with a paper for me to sign. This paper was explaining that the school would be teaching on abstinence within just a few short weeks. I have to say I wasn't thrilled to see this paper. Not because I don't want her to attend a class such as this, but I think that my daughter has yet to reach the appropriate mature age to be taught about sex.

I can't speak for the rest of the sixth grade class about their maturity level,so I can't sit here and say that EVERYONE is too young for this, but here is my problem. I was given the option on this form to OPT OUT of letting my child attend these classes. Yes, I could do this and pretend that she will still be innocent of any of this knowledge, but I would be wrong. I can just imagine how this day would go for her...........
She will be sent to the library while everyone else attends (feeling singled out, along with possibly 2 other students) and then will be caught up on the events that took place (the jokes that are sure to be thrown around) and will be filled in on any knowledge that her peers took in and misconstrued in some way.

Is this really how I want her to learn (too early) about sex? In a joking manner with misconstrued information? Absolutely not.

A FB Friend of mine made the comment to me.......hopefully they don't just preach abstinence and they tell the kids " if u r here going to partake in sexual activities here is how u protect yourself."

Well, I completely disagree. At ANY age, whether it be middle school or high-school. My reasons are obvious to anyone that truly knows me. Partaking in sexual activities, outside of marriage, is wrong. I certainly don't want anyone handing my child/children condoms and telling them that they at least need to protect themselves. No, they NEED to not partake in sexual activities. I know many people that think, because they didn't wait until marriage, they can't expect their kids to. Yes you can. It is our job, as a parent, to steer our kids in the RIGHT direction. Whether or not they follow in that direction will ALWAYS be their choice. But you will have set a foundation for them and they will always know the difference between right and wrong.

All children do wrong and sin, even from birth. As infants, when they reach up to touch an electrical outlet, do we say to ourselves, "Well, I did it when I was a child, so I can't expect them not to", NO. We immediately grab their hand away, so they do not hurt themselves. It's the same thing when it comes to sex. We are put here to protect our children from things that will hurt them. Sex outside of marriage WILL hurt them in some way or another.

So here it is being pushed on her way too early and now I need to figure out how to go about talking to her about this. (It's times like this that make me want to rip my child out of school and home-school her) Do I introduce it first, before the class at school? Or, do I simply let her know that I am open to any questions she has after the class at school? I have always wanted to be the one who introduced this and set a good foundation for my children before anyone had the chance to tell them anything that I didn't approve of.

I have been told by many people to get books. Is this really necessary? What would/have you done? Any advice or suggestions are more than welcomed.



  1. AMEN AMY! Amazing you posted this because I have a sex-related post coming on Wednesday (for adults).

    My parents did not teach me about purity and I suffered the consequences of some pretty bad decisions. Things will be different with my children! I will teach them about sex but I will also share the damaging physical and emotional trauma that comes with sex before marriage. The biggest thing I will teach them is that PURITY IS POSSIBLE!

    If I were in your shoes I would speak with your daughter before she goes in there--better to know God's design before the world's. I'm not sure about books but I'd definitely be armed with the Bible--show her that sex is natural and designed for pleasure but ONLY WITHIN THE BOUNDS OF MARRIAGE. If you have experience to the contrary I'd share it.

    I have 2 aunts who both really touted purity with their children. 5 kids in total. 3 of marrying age--none have so much as KISSED a member of the opposite sex. I think their dedication to remaining pure for their future spouse is so amazing (one cousin is getting married this August). I know some other reader here will be like "if they don't kiss or have sex before they get married how will they know if they are compatible?" To that I can only say, sex is a small portion of married life and they need to be compatible in more stuff than that. Plus, if you are compatible and committed, you make sex work!

  2. Thanks Reagan! Your right, getting out the Bible is the best way to go and I think I will be having this talk with her first to set a good foundation.

    That is amazing about your cousins. I really admire that and think they must have amazing parents!

  3. I'm full of advice. : )

    1. You and Shamus need to talk to her first. Don't wait until AFTER the school tells their version. Lay a foundation at home, with YOUR values. Then let her tell you what she learned at school and compare the two. Talk about it again, and make sure she understands what's right, and also what's common (and usuall wrong).

    2. Yes. Homeschool. For so many reasons. : )

    3. Check out I have a set of books from them, called Beautifully Made, just for girls. It's really good. Their whole site is good. Another good book is called "Of Knights and Fair Maidens" by Jeff and Danielle Myers. I think books are a great idea, but read them together so you can discuss and answer questions.

    11 is not too early anymore. But it's still young enough that this information should come from the parents.

    Can you opt out and get her from school for that hour? Or for the whole day, and do something fun (or maybe Shamus?).

    Good luck. Notice I didn't say this was FUN!

  4. Thanks for the advice, Nikki, and for the wonderful resources! We might consider taking her out of school for that hour, that's a good idea. And no, this is not fun at all, but hopefully we can do this the right way! :)

  5. That website looks great and I like the name of the books for girls. I'll be checking that out.

    It is probably too early for your DD but you and your hubby should read I KISSED DATING GOODBYE. It the the "guideline" book that helped my aunts do the courting (not dating) things with their children.